This Instead
by lovablegeek
Summary: [PreRent] April's changing, and Roger doesn't want to see. RogerApril. [One shot]


"We going to go out tonight, baby?" April asked, a little too hopefully, as she slid into his lap. 

"Yeah," Roger said simply, wrapping his arms around her. Seemed like they were out every night lately – not that he minded, particularly, and they both had fun, but it had never used to be _April_ asking if they could go out, always him...

"Good," April murmured. "You _really_ should try some of that stuff Zach brought in." She slid one hand over his chest, and leaned in to nibble his earlobe playfully. Roger smirked and slid an arm around her waist.

"Really?" he murmured to her, with a little shiver at her breath against his ear.

"Yeah. Good shit." Another nip at his ear, and her voice dropped a little. "Don't be put off by the needles."

Roger pulled away a little to frown at her. "Needles?" They'd both been using a lot of different stuff lately, but never anything with needles, and the idea made him a little leery.

With a smile, April nuzzled at his neck and told him lightly, "No big, baby. You'll like it, I promise. It's like an instant high." She tilted her head to one side, giving him one of those perfect, wonderful smiles he could never say no to.

"Alright. I'll try it."

Later that night, Roger eyed the needle with obvious misgiving, glancing uncertainly to April. She smiled at him, and something about her looked wilder than usual – less sweet, less innocent, more... dangerous. Then again, he'd watched her slide the needle into her arm just a minute or two ago, so it was probably just the drug taking effect, not any real change in _her_, and it wasn't serious, so it was nothing to worry about, but she still didn't look quite like April. She smiled at him and gently took the needle from his hand. "Here, baby, let me do it."

She gently bound a tourniquet around his upper arm and located a vein on the inside of his forearm. There was a slight sting as she slid the needle in, and Roger almost flinched but caught himself at the last minute. April pushed down the plunger of the needle with her thumb, withdrew the needle carefully and helped him remove the tourniquet from his arm, and a few seconds later he was floating, flying, and fuck, _this _was what April had meant, it was amazing and God, why hadn't he done this before?

It took April longer to come down than it did Roger – by the time they got home, late enough to be early, Roger felt something close to normal again, but April still had that glazed, not-quite-there look he'd come to recognize. Maybe she'd taken more than he did, maybe it took longer to run through her system because her body was so much smaller than his, Roger didn't know the reasons for it, but he could tell she _was_ high, that she wasn't quite... April right now.

She curled up in bed, her eyes closed, but Roger could tell she wasn't sleeping, or about to go to sleep – different breathing pattern, and he wasn't even sure how he knew to listen for it, but he was certain nevertheless. They hadn't even bothered turning on any lights when they got home, and Roger carefully made his way to the bed through the darkness and slid in beside her, automatically slipping an arm around her waist and kissing her lightly. She didn't roll toward him and snuggle against his chest like she usually would, just opened her eyes and gave him a faint, vague smile before closing them again.

No, she wasn't quite April right now, and it wasn't quite right, and it was silly that he should be bothered by it, silly that he should even care when he'd been the one to start using in the first place, and April only after he did. But it was different with her, it seemed, and he could feel that now as he hadn't been able to at any point before. For him the drugs were fun, they felt good and it was harmless, but for April... it seemed like she needed them more, somehow, it seemed like they'd started to sink into a part of who she _was_.

He tried to shove those thoughts to the back of his mind and ignore them, because they couldn't be true, there was no way he was right, but as he murmured softly, "I love you," it struck him that for the first time in what seemed like forever, she didn't say the words back.


End file.
